How many times do you ask yourself, what am I doing? It seems like recently these past few years of my life that is a question I have sadly said on repeat way to much. Quite frankly I am asking myself that now as I am trying to figure out this blog thing. So deal with me. I will have typos galore. Grammar will be disgusting, but quite honestly I do not care. This is me. When I think to myself the biggest time I asked myself "What the Shit Am I Doing" was when I had my three year old daughter and my one month son in the car with me. My husband, now ex in which we will name him Joseph, got out of his car to scream at a car that zoomed past us on the freeway. My then husband tail gated him and thus the confrontation began. Lots of rainbow verbiage was used at the other driver... then at me. This was not the first time. It was not the last. It was in front of our two kids. On the side of the road. On Christmas Eve. At 3PM. On a way to a child's first birthday party. Oh he was drinking and driving. That was normal.
I should have thought it a million times before, but that is when my lightbulb went off. What the shit am I doing? Who is this person? What have I gotten myself, my kids into?
We have all had moments where we wonder that amazing question. If you have not, find yourself damn lucky and how the hell have you not?
My journey from that moment forward has been the ugliest jumbled pile of yarn mixed with phone charges, crumbled post it notes, the random cord you have no idea what it goes to, the thing you swear your going to use one day all piled together. Actually it's your junk drawer. My life is your bottomless junk drawer that you either have to open closely or maneuver things around to shut it. It is full of so many "what the shit are you doing" moments. But I am so damn proud of myself. Because I mean you can find some pretty, damn unique things in those drawers. And that 20$ bill you randomly find. Raining money!
So here is me expressing me. I may write just this page. I may write more. But these are my thoughts. My stories. Judge as you may. Life is a shit show sometimes. Get up. Crawl. Walk. Skip. Jump. Just fucking move your feet. Slide across the ground on your ass if need be. You are an incredible source of energy. Believe that. Own that. Be that.
Peace out from a fellow weird queen!
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